than a hospital bed.

That should be just about anywhere else in the world.

But I´m stuck here and allow kindly spirits to fill my veins with poisons to purge another from my blood.

I can wish all I want that it isn´t so. But it is.

People tell me I am brave. They did not see me when the realization hit home. I was floored, no, I was under the floor, had been swallowed by the depths of the earth, where no air and light enter. I had avoided the meaning of the evidence for as long as I could, but my resistance crumbled at a few words. Words that are connected to a disease that can kill. Myself, I concluded and very soon. And any cure would hurry the process and make me even more miserable during my precious last days.

During the first two weeks it was easy to pretend, that it wasn´t happening to me. There was my clean hospital, filled with young doctors and nurses, so beautiful, so friendly, so efficient, to seem to be straight from a hospital series. This was not life. This was TV and I was watching. The section head, a smart, lovely woman with a voice to die for. All secrets of life must be revealed to her and your soul will know salvation, instantly.

Of course neither my soul nor my body really needed salvation. It was just a scare, just a lump, just an infection. After all, with a smile and a nod, they will send me home with a pack of Antibiotics and I will feel foolish but relieved.

That didn´t happen. The dreaded words were finally uttered. It is real. It happened to my life and now I watch as liquids of all colours pass through my body.

And even though my Doctors are real Doctors and not Actors, they had a real life miracle ready for me. The earth opened up above me and helping hands, many, reached out to me and led me back towards the light. Slowly we move. A step a day.

Life is waiting for me. I see it from my hospital bed.

@Francesca